My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
