who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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