remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
