We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
