This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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