i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
