im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
