Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
