Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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