I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
