i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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