i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You ate ashes out of my bong
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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