I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
