She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
