If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
