Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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