Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
