i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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