I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
