Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
