WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
