now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
