He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
