You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
