i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
