And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
