Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
