i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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