My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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