can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
