it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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