I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
