11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
