You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
