I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
