just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
