I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
