remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
