Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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