Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
