Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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