Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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