I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
