So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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