She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
