Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
