I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
