getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
