in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
