just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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