that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
