I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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