I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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