Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
