This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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