I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
